Being on a mission (thus far) has re-highlighted many things that I already knew about myself. There are plenty of things that go on (just like in life) that can be hard or stressful depending on how you take it: a rigid/rigorous schedule, waking up early, being in a foreign country with a new culture to adapt to, learning a new language, talking to strangers all day, being rejected, being far from home and families and loved ones. The list could go on and on, and in the last two months (yes I know it’s not that long of time) I’ve been through a lot. We’ve been rejected, we’ve been stood up many-a-time for a lesson, we’ve been chased away (don’t worry there has also been a lot of kind people!), and we’ve listened to terribly tragic stories of real people’s lives—but none of it has the power to get me down. I don’t know if it’s my personality, the way I was raised, or strength from God, but although I feel very sad for the people in those cases and I worry about them and pray for them, it does not affect my own happiness, my own self-esteem, or my own bright hope that I have for the world and for the future. Studying hard for four hours a day, waking up early, having a tight schedule, talking to strangers all day, etc. is nothing new to me and is a welcome challenge. No, none of those things bother me, what is the hardest for me I realized (and I knew this before) is when there is tension between myself and those closest to me—in both the physical and emotional sense. Those who are close to me physically at the moment are my companions and—due to the nature of the work here—we became emotionally close very quickly as well. But it is not hard to imagine that three females living together, 24/7 (we are literally never out of each other’s presence except for when we take a shower or go to the bathroom), who didn’t know each other at all two months ago, who have different cultures, and speak different languages—no matter how good of friends we have become—face their fair share of tension amongst the group. And it’s sad to me the times when we become upset or frustrated and shut each other out because it isn’t necessary and it’s hurtful (not to mention that it takes away from our effectiveness as missionaries when there are unhappy feelings between us). I can’t stand the moments like that. I’d rather just have it all out right then and get over it than to dwell on it and become more upset. It makes me feel awful inside when there is a determined silence between myself and someone close to me (especially when you can’t just go crawl in a hole and stay there for a while like you’d like to ;) –the reason why you’re upset in situations with loved ones is almost always a misunderstanding or a moment of carelessness on someone’s part (NOT that they did something expressly to hurt your feelings). If you love them talk it out and forgive readily à that is the secret to successful and happy/strong relationships.

                When I am on a good standing with the people close to me in life, I feel like everything in the world could go wrong and turn against me and I’d be strong enough to take it because of the love and support of those dear to me. When someone close to me withdraws from me and turns cold, I feel the opposite—like nothing else matters until that is fixed. But my question is why weaken the people close to you that you love? It is not necessary, and it takes away from so much potential good. Fortify those around you; notice the good in them and let them know that you appreciate them. Be careful about the advice you give—that it is not too much, that you give it lovingly, and for the benefit of the person, not just because you think they should change.

                --And just as a clarifying statement it takes two (or in our case, three) to have difficulties and I have a lot to learn and to do to better myself—so that heavens for each new day I’m given to try harder! I love you all J             

                                              Love, Sister Wilson